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La Vie Boheme (Part 1) lyrics

RESTAURANT MAN
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister -- can't you go
Not tonight -- can't have a scene!

ROGER
What?

RESTAURANT MAN
Go, please go
You -- hello sir --
I said no
Important customer

MARK
What am I -- Just a blur?

RESTAURANT MAN
You sit all night -- you never buy

ROGER
That's a lie -- That's a lie
I had a tea the other day

RESTAURANT MAN
You couldn't pay

ROGER
Oh yeah

COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin III -- here?

RESTAURANT MAN
Oh no!

ALL
Wine and beer!

MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay

RESTAURANT MAN
Oiy Vey!

COLLINS
What brings our distinguished slum lord to the Life Cafe?

BENNY
Hold on boys
Gotta do a little business
So you're off the hook for now

ROGER
The video franchise?

BENNY
Who said you're not smart?

ROGER
Blockbuster

GIRLS
Blockbuster?

PERSON
Blockbuster!

MAUREEN
Wow!

BENNY
Mimi -- I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
They make fun -- yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead

MARK
Dearly beloved
We gather here to say our good-byes

COLLINS & ROGER
Dies irae -- dies illa (etc)

MARK
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to --
La vie Boheme

ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

MARK
To days of inspiration
Playing hookey, making something out of nothing
The need to express --
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad

To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike,
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits -- to no absolutes --
To Absolut -- to choice --
To the Village Voice --
To any passing fad

To being an us for once
Instead of a them

ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

MAUREEN
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

JOANNE
It is, Maureen

MAUREEN
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face

(Maureen slaps her)

LADY
Ahem!

MAUREEN
Hey sister -- she's my sister

RESTAURANT MAN
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls

GIRL
Ugh

COLLINS
It tastes the same

MIMI
If you close your eyes

RESTAURANT MAN
And seven orders of fries
Is that it here?

ALL
Wine and beer!

ANGEL & MIMI
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation

MARK
Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

COLLINS
To Sontag

ANGEL
To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE
To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

COLLINS
Lenny Bruce

ROGER
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN
To the stage

PERSON #1
To Uta

PERSON #2
To Buddha

PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, too

MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

ALL
La vie Boheme

MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you pack

JOANNE
Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN
Well -- hurry back

LADY
Sisters?

MAUREEN
We're close

ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK
Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & OTHERS
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

COLLINS, MAUREEN, ROGER & OTHERS
CBGBs, De la sota, tabouli
Body fluids, KS lesions, funny looks
Transfusions, silence equals death, dairy
Including Cannabis santiva, Camel lights
Carmen Miranda, Nirvana

COLLINS
To marijuana

ALL
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M

BENNY
Waiter, waiter, waiter

ALL
La vie Boheme

COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Mimi Marquez, clad in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair handcuff dance to the sounds of ice tea being stirred!

ROGER
Mark Cohen will preview the documentary he'll never finish, "The parting of the red sea" about his inability to hold an er****** on the high holy days, starring his former lover's current female lover as himself!

MARK
And Maureen Johnson, back from a spectacular one-night engagement at the 11th street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backward through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello -- which she has never studied!

(privately to Maureen)

Meet you in the bathroom.

MAUREEN
You're not serious?!

MARK
I am.

MAUREEN
How was the show?

MARK
You know you're good
I'll bring the dental dam

MAUREEN
Don't take this the wrong way
But Mark, honey, take a hike

MARK
You wouldn't consider an auld lang syne between friends!?

MAUREEN
Hello?! I'm a dyke!

LADY
Another brother?

MAUREEN
Ex-lover

PERSON
Roger will attempt to commit to an ending to his bittersweet evocative guitar solo symbolizing the death of Kinipsy!

MARK
Not now, Roger.

COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the ten-gallon plastic pickle tub.

ANGEL
And Collins will recount to us his exploits as anarchist, including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the MIT virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words:

ALL
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"

MIMI
Excuse me -- did I do something wrong?
I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long

ROGER
I've been trying -- I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage

MIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

ROGER
I should tell you --

MIMI
I've got baggage too

ROGER
I should tell you

BOTH
Baggage -- wine --

OTHERS
And beer!

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